I’M MAD, I’M FAT, AND IT’S FRIDAY!
Greetings and Happy Mad Fat Friday to all of my fellow Fat Girls as well as all you Skinny Chicks who wish you were Fat and any Fat Boys who might be interested!
Today let’s talk about what it really means to be a Fat Girl. Whether you’re a Lifetime Fatty or New-To-This-and-True-to-This, you know all about the trials and tribulations of Being a Fat Girl. You know how frustrating it is shopping for clothes worthy of a Plump Damsel. You know how hard it is to get on a treadmill. You know how hard it is to stay on a treadmill. You know how hard it is not to turn in at Pizza Hut/McDonalds/China Buffet when you’ve had a shitty day. You know how hard it is not to turn in at Pizza Hut/McDonalds/China Buffet when you haven’t had a shitty day. I’m guessing that we’re all all too aware of the negative, so let’s shift our focus a bit and talk about what’s great about being a Fat Girl.
Yeah, I just said that. Let’s talk about what’s great about being a Fat Girl. I mean, I don’t know about you, but if Diet Fail was a company, I’d be the CEEYCGYHOO (Chief Eat Everything You Can Get Your Hands On Officer). So I’m fat. So what? I love pizza, cheeseburgers, and hot wings. The only thing I want from the salad bar is toppings for my baked potato. And I eat fried cheese sticks, fried pickles, and fried okra. Did you see Melissa McCarthy on SNL? Fat Girls like Ranch. And that’s okay. Everyone has their vices. One of my favorites just happens to come in a bottle with “Hidden Valley” printed on the front. What of it?
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/Taste-Test/1359559
Now let’s talk about cold beer. I’ve seen a lot of stupid and ridiculous things on TV, but the stupidest and most ridiculous thing I have ever seen is those beer commercials that associate beer drinking and exercise. I don’t drink diet beer. I drink Corona. La cerveza mas fina. Ever seen a Corona commercial? Of course you have and Corona commercials make us happy because they’re all about white sandy beaches, a blue-green tide, and ice-cold bottles of beer. Now that’s what beer drinking is all about. Relaxing! Not drinking a beer that’ll help you ride your bicycle better. Jeez! So cheers to all the Fat Girls who drink good beer!
WTF?
Something else great: Fat Girls are some of the happiest heifers on the planet! Yeah, we get all mad and pissed off from time to time, but who doesn’t? In the meantime, we can whip up fantastic meals and desserts, we’re funny as hell, and we have big ol’ boobies and nice, round booties. What’s not to love about that? Like the chicken wings us Big Gals don’t hesitate to munch on, we can be sweet like honey or hot, spicy, and sauuuuuuucey! And everybody knows that Fat Girls are tons of fun! I’m not saying skinny girls aren’t, I’m just saying that Fat Girls have had to spend a bit more time cultivating their five-star personalities than those who are 34-24-34 and 5’9”. Know what I mean, Verne?
And the best part of being a Fat Girl? We don’t make fun of Fat Girls. Come to think of it, we usually don’t make fun of anybody because we know how bad that feels and who wants to run around running their mouth and making people feel like shit? Not us!
So there you have it my beloved fellow Fat Girls! On this Mad Fat Friday, let’s raise our glasses of sweet tea, regular Coke, and fully loaded Starbucks and toast ourselves for being so fantastic! No, we’re not perfect, but who wants to be that dull? Not me! Let’s fan our feathers like a peacock looking for a peahen and shake it like it’s hot.
Cause it is!
Have a great Mad Fat Friday and wonderful weekend!
Much love from your fellow Fat Girl,
Ace Jones
