Hello and Happy Mad Fat Friday! I don’t know about you, but I’m so excited it’s finally officially summertime! Woo hoo!
I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I’ve had to spend every spare second of the past six weeks at the mall looking for the perfect skort-suit for swimming. (I know, I know. I can’t believe I found one that fast either. It was a miracle. And it almost fits me half-way decent.)
Anyway, in addition to skort-suit shopping, I’ve been hitting up the movies pretty regular and thought I might take a minute and impress upon you my completely unprofessional and fairly unreliable opinion in the form of (drum roll please….) a new Mad Fat Friday summer feature aptly named:
Mad Fat Summer Movie Reviews
Are you excited?!? Me neither! Let’s do this!
Mad Fat Summer Movie Review #1 – Prometheus
Stoked by those amazing come-hither previews, I went into Prometheus sincerely hoping for that increasingly elusive “best movie EVER” experience. What I got instead was 123 minutes of space-ship themed WTF moments that started the moment Charlie Holloway appeared on the screen.
Have you seen this guy? He is hot! Damn hot! I mean, he is literally beautiful to the point of distraction because all I could think about whenever the camera fell on his pretty face was, “Men like that don’t dig around on mountains and go on space trips with ugly girls. Men like that pose for billboard ads in BVDs.” So there was that. And poor old nerdy-girl Elizabeth Shaw with her daddy’s cross around her neck. She was lame, a tad bit dumb (for a nerd), and not believable at all. I mean, I was totally buying the fact that they landed on alien planet sixteen galaxies over, but her jumping around like an acrobat after having a major surgical procedure, uh, no. I liked her better as Lisbeth Salander. The first one.
Then there was Meredith Vickers. Wow. If it weren’t for her role in Snow White and the Huntsman (which I’ll talk about next week), I might not ever be able to forgive Charlize Theron for whatever you want to call her appearance in this film. She was creepier here than she was in that Monster movie. No kidding. It was weird in all the wrong ways. Plus her crusty old boss-man father was almost too gross to look at. Ew.
And I have to mention Fifield, the tattooed geologist who was just too much on every level -especially when he had his screaming fit down in the cave which turned out to be one of many moments where I sat there thinking, “Really? No, I mean really? I paid money for this?” But those flying red balls he tossed up in the air were pretty cool as was his chatty pal with glasses who seemed to be the only person on the ship with a hint of personality. I mean, Captain Janek was okay, but that whole “trying to get laid scene” with that weird-ass Meredith was seriously bizarre. Up until that odd-ball conversation, I thought she was the android. Oops.
The best part of the entire hot mess was, by far, David the fancy robot, who almost made the film worth the price of admission even though he ended up with his head stuffed in a bag. The only thing I didn’t get about him was why he colored his roots. Maybe it was just for fun. Who knows?
In all fairness, I don’t like alien movies and I’ve never seen the movie Alien and never will, but I don’t think that was the problem here. I think the problem was that the actual movie couldn’t live up to that fantastic premise set forth in the previews.
Bottom Line: It sucked. If you want to see an alien movie, try Men in Black 3. You can’t go wrong with the Fresh Prince, Dub-ya, and the guy from Lonesome Dove I thought was Kenny Rogers until one day I found out it was Tommy Lee Jones. Who knew?
Well, I guess this means it’s Hasta Luego for now! Adios and have a great weekend!
